Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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