Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
