i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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