I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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