Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
