When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
