remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
