Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
