Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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