You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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