Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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