Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
