Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
