I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
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