East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
MIDGETS
????
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
