Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
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Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
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Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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