yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
