we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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