: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
