you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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