I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize