i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
