I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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