my mouth tastes like poor choices
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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