It's like a parade of train wrecks.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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