tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
