In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
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