party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
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While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
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Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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