guys are not supposed to queef...right?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
