Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
