The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
