Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Randomize
