Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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