Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
