She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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