do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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