I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
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