I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
