Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Randomize
