The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
My balls are so social today.
Too much gin, very little bucket
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Randomize
