She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
