dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
