YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
