white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
