white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
