i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
