can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
