Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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