I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
