How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
