thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
