Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Randomize
