i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
