if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
