found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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