I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
