..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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