Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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