I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
