Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
