Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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