Sry I called you an 8
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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