I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
