I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Who did Billy Mays play for?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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