So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
