Sry I called you an 8
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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