My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
